Sex + car = problem

After a drunken client over the weekend, where when he wasn’t sleeping on my sofa the conversation was something like:
- Do you close your eyes when clients are cumming on your face?
- Clients don’t cum on my face.
- Even by accident? I mean: while you sucking then they jerk off before the time/
- No.

So after that my week started almost following the same path: a Chinese guy wanted to have sex inside his car.
- Don’t you have a place? – I asked over the phone when he called.
- Yes, I do. I am actually in a hotel but, you know what? There is nothing life that feeling of doing something wrong.

I know that feeling so well, but I didn’t tell him. Sometimes is just better to listen to what clients have to say, request or suggest. It has worked amazingly so far.
- It doesn’t have to be anywhere dodge. I have a rented car at the car park. We could well fuck there I think?
- Really?

I was wondering if he was talking seriously or taking the piss. I was also imaging the traffic, cars going in and out of the car park and looking at us. Some people like to be watched. For me it isn’t good because if the porters find out why I am visiting the hotel in the first place I won’t be welcomed back, either for the same client or a new one. We all know that, honestly, they know what I am doing there but as long it is not so explicit like fucking their guests at their car parks they are OK with it. At the end of the day I provide entertainment, and sex as an entertainment rarely is available on hotel’s menus.

Eventually we drove to a park nearby.
With such a bad weather, the risk of a policeman bother to check us was next to none.
But sometimes, just sometimes, the police decide to work .....
(to be continued)

Busy Sunday!

Busy Sunday with a couple of last minute clients. I even didn’t expect to be working because I thought that lots of people (including those ones that pay for sex) would be travelling. It turned out that not everyone went away this year and as it is quite boring to stay at home by yourself when your mates got something better to do, why not some fun?

My first client was just after the lunch, a thirty something IT engineer from Glasgow that was working in London on Christmas day and decided to extend his staying in the city. Who would think that executives work on holidays? I even didn’t know that the offices would be open but, apparently, even when 95% of the world is celebrating there are people working around the clock to make sure that everything will run smoothly. It make sense as more people are out, spending money, using computers, etc so, of course, someone would have to look after IT, banks, mobile networks and etc.

He was very cold, almost didn’t speak, however new exactly what he wanted: a very strong blowjob and some anal sex dog style, both ways.

I gave him my 10min ecstasy head job (the secret is to start the blowjob from the crack sack and move upwards). By the time I got to his cock head he was almost cumming and asked me to stop for a few seconds.

The sex bit went very well. He didn’t asked me to try any position but stay still while being fucked and the same thing when it was his turn to get some cock up his arse, a very firm and nice bum I have to say. He didn’t cum until 45 minutes later and literally used every minute paid so I guess this is what people call value for money!

- Did you work on Christmas day? – he asked on the way out with that tone of voice that actually means: have you been fucking even on the day Jesus was born? But at least he was talking to me.
- No, I took a couple of days off. Just started again.
- Ah, Ok. Happy New year, then - he said opening the door to leave and with no sign that he believed or hear what I answered.

2 hours later the second and last client of the day rang the bell. He brought a bottle of Rosé wine and an opened bag of prawn crackers ‘it was a left over from last night, if you don’t mind’, he said already drunk.

Drunk clients usually talk a lot and it was an incredible surprise when he gone very quite. I was in the kitchen, looking for a bottle opener when suddenly everything went very silent.

On my way back I found him sleeping on my sofa with his trousers around his ankles.
(to be continued)

New Year on the way!

Hi everyone,
Just to with a great 2010! An amazing one with lots of fun, healthy, sex, all the lot!
I tried to post a Merry Christmas message yesterday and it didn’t work. I guess half of the world was tried to do the same. So Happy Christmas a bit late then.

I normally don’t work for a couple of days around Christmas; I think we have to take a little break from time to time.
But I will carry on writing so bear with me.
Happy New Year!!!

Mr. cold fingers!

The worst thing about going to work with this London weather is to get to a place and being greeted by clients with cold hands. Of course I am not talking about the odd shaking hands but those ones that love to stick a cold finger in your ass. It is not nice, at all.

Yesterday I had a busy Saturday, going back and forward from Central to East and then from East to Central and west London too. It wouldn’t be that bad if we didn’t had so many delays but, well, we can’t expect public services to work properly when the weather changes.

I honestly think we started with the wrong foot because even before saying hello the client complained straight away that I was 6 minutes later. Shit! Only 6 minutes!

For those ones not familiar to England, don’t start thinking that here everything is sharp on time.
Bulshit!
British have that reputation of being very good with time and lots of them are indeed, specially the old generation, but there are delays everywhere and people always have something to blame: the snow, the rain, the tube, the road works for the 2012 Olympic games, the police stopping you for a quick searching as it has been increased due the terrorist attacks 4 years ago and a lot of teenage gangs fighting recently.

There is always an excuse. I was so fed up after a journey full of disruptions that I even didn’t bother to give him an excuse, I just politely said sorry – even thought in my head I was thinking of saying more something like: 6 fucking minutes? I had problems with the transport you son of a bitch!. Instead it was more like: ‘Oh, I am sorry about that. But I am here now and it is nice to meet you’.

The guy, a 50 something with a very short neck and fat nose, wasn’t that bad in bed, a part from the fingers issue as he constantly insisted of using his fingers down my anus. I distracted him with an intense blowjob and less than half an hour later I was back the tube. It still felt cold and dump but, at least, I got rid of Mr. Cold Fingers and kept my bum warm!

Levi Johnston strikes

It is not new but I loved this Levi Jonhston picture for Playgirl.
By the way: when is he shooting for a gay magazine then?

Counting differently

A friend of mine said another day that I should change my blog's profile picture to something more 'SEXY'. He was, of course, talking about my picture holding a condom so I was very happy to see recently a comment left about the picture!.

Let's get this straight: the blog never intended to be a 'sexy' tool.

Of course it end up being a bit hotter than your average recipe blog but it is more down to my work than to anything else. I don't sit down to write thinking: wow, I have to make people get a hard on today!.

I use condom at work and extend it to my private life too because we never know who are we fucking with. Working as an escort I already saw a couple of people get infected and one of them died last Easter. It kind of reinforces how things can change just in a second!

I remember once when the condom broke while having sex with a client. I was sick just with the thought of getting a disease, any of them, even didn't have to be HIV. Everything was fine to start with and then suddenly it split. I left the hotel straight to a clinic near Victoria. London has quite a few clinic for sexual diseases and some of them are specialize in attending gays, what I think is very helpful because there are a few people not really comfortable to walk in a straight place.

As any client would say, he was very sorry for the accident and said that I should not worry because he was straight and married. What a bushtit!!!!!. People still think like that and it worries me that his wife have sex with him without knowing how many other people he is fucking and how many of them had a condom broken or didn't have a condom at all!

Everything turned out ok. I have all exams I could possibly have and it became a habit to visit the clinic regularly to get the answer with a negative result. When you work selling sex, every check up can be a rollercoaster. Actually every day, especially when we visit a new client, travel to a different part of the town. I just relax when I get back home and I know I am safe. We never know who will be the dodge client of the day, who may shout at you or ask for thinks you normally wouldn't do or, even worst: who will hit you.

So I guess I count time differently and the picture of the condom will remain where it is right now!

When 3 can be good!

Loved this e-mail and decided to share with you guys:

'i came across your blog and find it amazing, and i see you are posting recently as well. i was hoping you could give a little advice. i'm 34yo living in US and ive been in a relationship with a wonderful guy but my imagination is much wilder than my actions. sex with him is great but very vanilla.

after reading your blog quite a long while, it made me wonder if i should rent someone to help me act out some fantasies. i searched online and found several extremely attractive escorts near me. i'd be looking for someone who would handcuff, tie, maybe blindfold me, and use me roughly (licking, sucking, taking his cock).what would u recommend in my case? pursue it with my bf? look into "renting"? just keep it as a private jerk-off fantasy?keep up the great work on your blog, i will be coming back to read more about your exploits.

j'.

Hi J,
Thanks for dropping by and for the lovely e-mail.
I asked you permission to post my answer because I get asked similar questions quite often so I thought I could be of more help sharing it with more people.

I am not very good in just keep things as a fantasy.

Life is too short and, until proven contrary, we just live once. So having said that I think you should rent and share an escort with your BF.
Maybe, by watching a professional, he will get some inspiration and ideas for both of you!.

I think also it is good for him to see what turn you on nowadays.

People change every single day (actually people change right now as you read my blog) so it doesn’t come as any surprise that after 6 years you feel like exploring new sensations. Why not?

Be very careful about who you rent for those sort of service.

If you BF get excited and also decides to try the same ‘especial’ treatment (handcuff, tie, maybe blindfold) take it in turns to avoid giving too much power to the escort.

Ideally you should try him first and then, on a second visit, have something more extreme to make sure who you are dealing with.

But risk some good moments.

I’ve noticed that couples get more liberal and open minded when they have something like a threesome or bondage time to time.

If you manage to convince your long term partner, initially it will work as sorting out a fantasy but you will notice that your boyfriend will feel less shy to try more edgier things in bed.
Have a fucking-tastic day!

'Anti-gay' cleric talk cancelled

Diversity my ass!
The University College London Union (UCLU) has cancelled a talk by an Islamic preacher who allegedly endorses killing homosexuals.

Abu Usamah, recorded by Channel 4 saying gay people should be "thrown off a mountain", was due at UCLU next week however a university spokeswoman said that the institution has decided to cancel this event due to concerns that the health and safety criteria cannot be met. I am not surprised.

In 2007, the Channel 4 programme Undercover Mosque recorded Mr Usamah referring to gay people as "dogs". This man clearly has a problem with anyone that enjoys cock!.

Mariah and client visitng the same place

A few days ago I went to Westfield, the only proper big mall in Central London, without knowing that they had a special event to switch the Christmas light on.

I noticed that something was going on as soon as I left the tube station because it was too busy for a cold November day. Mariah Carey was there, reportedly to light up the place.

And among thousands of people (maybe 70% of them teenagers in pink outfits) I saw a client with 3 kids. He was dressed to work, the boring black suit and blue tie that everyone else has.

I think he works in a state agent because once we were in bed and he had to stop in order to return a call about a flat in Battersea that was being sold. Never mind.

No matter how many times I see clients on the streets I never get used to be cold and not look at them. It is quite hard not to say ‘hi’, special the nice ones or the ones that are very polite or the ones that you know more about their private lives.

I was just across the escalator when he suddenly winked at me once the kids looked away trying to get a glimpse of the American singer.

This is very unusual!!!.

Clients would prefer to have a purple giant elephant sitting on their head rather than make any contact to an escort in public. And I couldn’t help feeling like someone that is doing something naughty. I felt even more awkward when I saw his wife coming back from God knows where carrying lots of colourful bags, one of them from a very cheap shop for grannies so no wonder why he needs a bit of action outside home.

The kids seemed amazing. I was looking at them for a while and they were the only to behave like adults. And they were very well dressed too so I supposed they had family plans for late that night.

I had my laundry to sort out instead, and to call one of my friends to check where her birthday party will be held.

And Ops!, my phone rang but nobody hear it, only me because of the vibrating mode. I couldn’t recognize the number and let it go to the mail box.

I didn’t think it would go well to get a work call inside of a packed shopping center. If it was a regular client I could do it with no problem as they are very likely to ask those first callers question: price, if I suck, cock’s size, about toys, if I accommodate, how is my bum, etc.
Not a suitable chat to have over the phone when you are sharing a mall with Mariah Carey – although, with so many screaming people, I don’t think she would hear me anyway.
Just in case, just in case …

Christmas has started for me

The weather remains cold and it has been a bonus because apparently everyone is trying to keep their bums and cocks well warmed up - with my help sometimes, thank you very much!

I had 6 clients in less than 2 days and, although it can be a bit tiring at the end of the day, it is very good to have money coming on my way because Christmas is next month and we all want a extra cash for all those extra shopping, dont we?.

I don’t know how an average person working in a office or so manage to go through the festive season! Everything is so expensive and everyone expect a little gift, especially kids!

One of my divorced clients bought a Wii fit to his 12 years old son and asked me to keep it safe.

He is divorced and the kid comes once a week to his flat.
Apparently he is one of those hyper curious children that open all doors and draws every time he visits his dad so he would find the gift far before Santa even think of get around the block.
My client asked what I want for Christmas and I said that he doesn’t have to worry about it. I thought of asking a Iphone because I fell like I am done with my old old old Blackberry but it would sound very greed and, besides it all, he doesn’t own me anything.

He is a nice bloke that like his Mark and Spenser trousers and comes regularly for a relaxing time. And pay for it. And that’s all. No expectations beyond that, but yes it was very nice of him to offer to buy me something.

I have to get a day off and buy some cards to send. Family. Friends.
I never sent any to a client. Sometimes I get some tip on the weeks before Christmas, even those British clients not used to tip an escort.
I guess it isn’t a British couture to tip for any service because they don’t tip at bars or restaurants either.

Gay comic Magazine in UK

Not sure how relevant it maybe be, but it is always fun to know that a new Brighton based magazine called Spandex has gone on sale, featuring this gang of homosexual heroes.
Hummm sounds another commercial catch!
The team will do battle against villains with names including Muscle Mary, Pussy and the Pink Ninjas and the first series sees the Spandex crime fighters defend their hometown from the 'Attack of the 50-Foot Lesbian'.
Wow. To know more, visit: http://www.spandexcomic.com/

Back to see Mr. Brompton

I went to see Mr. Brompton after a long while. Some clients are like that: they vanish. You start to think: have I done something wrong? Did something bad happen to them? But one day they just text you, simply and with no fuss or long explanations, asking if you can come over. Just like this, as if you just fucked them last weekend!.
- Long time no see you boy! – he greeted me opening the door and wearing just a tiny thong.

I though to myself: it wasn’t my fault. I am always available. But sometimes is better not to say anything. We never know the reasons why a client took sometime off without request a volatile sex like sex. It could be so many reasons such as money problems or even illness, death of someone close and we don’t want to go there, to embarrass people. The ultimate idea of someone paying to someone else to turn up at their door steps and perform a very good one hour of hot activity is to have fun. There is no point of spoiling it any other way then.
- Yes! I agree. It sounds like ages, but glad to see you! Did you change your hair cut as I can see! Did you loose weight as well? – I replied already shifting the conversation and letting him free to not talk about his absence if he didn’t want to.

It is always good to give a client the option of sharing something with you – or not, what actually happens often. They have their lives, a sort of parallel world, and I am not welcome there. I realized it very very early doing what I do. Although sex is a basic need people don’t feel comfortable to admit that they have to pay for it.

Mr. Brompton didn’t mention anything about the long absence. Instead we carried on talking about his new hair style, a short dark black spiked with some red colour as well, what reminded me of Sharon Osborne, that woman that used to be a judge at a TV show.
- Yes, I did change my hair. Did you like it?

I wasn’t not sure if I liked it. Certainly it was different and, at the age of 60 I don’t know if Mr. Brompton would look better with his usual gray hair. However the colour cocktail seemed a bit too much and by looking like Ozzy Osborne’s wife he was also similar to an old lady that had a couple of extra bottox to keep them forever bellow their real age mark – what I guess can be anything between 80 to 95 years old.
Should I say to him exactly this? Certainly not!
- It looks Ok, I amended getting naked once we reached the bedroom.
- Oh, and Yes, I lost a couple of pounds. I have a personal trainer now. And guess what? He is amazing and he is not gay!

Before I forget ...

The first centre dedicated to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) visitors started operating in London this week.

The Gay Tourist Office opened in the city's Soho district yesterday to provide visitors with LGBT-specific information about the capital.

Not sure what it will add because the others information centres are very good in giving information about the gay side of the city.

That's what a call teacher!

Sam Handley, that hype delicious PE teacher who was suspended from Harvey Grammar School in Folkestone in September when explicit photographs of him intended for a gay porn site were circulated by pupils decided to resign.
.
According to the Sun (what a source, I know but …), he was unaware that the link to the porn website had spread around the school via Facebook and mobile phones and turned up for lessons as usual, before being sent home by the deputy head teacher.

I think he is definitely hot!
And more: he will get lots of contracts because he didn’t do anything wrong for my standards – a part from the fact that he didn’t call me.

If someone knows the cute, let him know that I’ve got a special rate for hot teachers recently resigned.
It is my humanitarian side calling.

3 hours NON stop!

Oh GOD, I have to visit NYC more often. Well, let me rephrase it: I may have to visit some of my readers in NYC at some point because that Christopher that left a message at my previous post is cute!

Last night I had a greedy client and what was supposed to be a standard 1h fucking turn out in a long and nice 3hs session.
No complains, no complains, although after the non stop minute 75 and half I was more like: what the hell this guy is taking to have such stamina?

He was a guy from the countryside, British for a change! I don’t have a lot of guys coming to my bed from England. As I live here I would expect more of those but I still get more visits from tourists or guys just working for a while in London.

How weird.
Britain is so liberal when it comes to gay sex, even so you don’t see lots of guys walking down the road very close and I don’t know where those ones getting married go for leisure because I don’t see many couples in West End. Maybe, there is a secret limbo where those people hide from the rest of the world – so they don’t risk losing their partners!

After cuming twice, the 3 hours client said that he was moving to South Africa and left his e-mail inviting me to visit early next year, when he sets down, get a place and confirm his job transference.
- It is not a job invitation, Kaio. I am inviting you for a holiday. You won’t spend a penny though.

I found it very sweet of him – especially given the circumstances as we had just met 3 hours ago and spoke only the essential through out our three hours in bed!
- I will think about it. - I thanked, keeping his card safely.

I never close doors because we never know what comes around the corner.

Answers and comments

Just taking the chance (and spare time) to answer a few questions left from readers:

Miss Ginger: yes, I am a good boy and still attending the school (also helps the fact that, by doing it, I have a valid English Visa so I can study, travel and fuck as much as I want. It is funny that, technically I can work 20 hours a week but, hold on, how to measure it in sex? Hahaha. I am studying media and thinking of going towards marketing in the future as one day I will have to stop charging people in bed and start to make money in a different way.

Zac: so you are in London every 3 weeks? Hummm those naughty Irish boys! Hope you get a great job now that you graduate! And don’t forget me, of course!

Stevo: indeed, I vanish time to time. I go though phases. Some months I get inspired and write a lot. Some periods I just find so boring to sit in from a computer and try to organise facts and try to make sense. Remember: I am not a writer and English inst my first language so sometimes I find difficult to keep the blog up to date. But I never give up! Keep watching this space!

Mistress Maddie: OMG! What did you do with the slave that you won at the Roman Toga party?

Brad: how is Sidney those days and all those hot guys? Can you send me a dozen of the by FEDEX?

LOVE YOU ALL!
Kaio
xx

Bursting the economy

It has been raining so much at night times in London that my blog is almost changing from Melting Duvets to Raining Duvets. I’ve been getting wet most of the times that I have to go to work!

However it is difficult to avoid night visits as, a part from tourists and married ones, all the other clients usually work the whole day long and need a bit of a relief after office hours (which in London are sort of 9-5 ish).

Last week one of those ‘happy-hours’ client asked if it would cost less for him to have a ‘quick-fix’ daytime instead.
I found it funny to hear the term ‘quick-fix’ because it sounded like a drug addicted getting a fix. But sex can be addictive too, I suppose.

For those ones interested to know, there are only a slightly increase of costs, usually the cab fees, as during the day it is much easier to visit clients using the public transport. The traffic is very bad in London but the tube system works pretty well if compared to a few other big cities around the word – and it is almost impossible to get lost because the signs are clear and colourful (each line has a different colour and ends in a different route).

I don’t get people asking for bargain a lot these days and, although I don’t think the credit crunch its over just yet, people are starting to spend a little more, to shopping and to have paid sex, what is very good because all together we kind of burst the economy: A pays for a fuck. B (that is me) shops with the money. C doesn’t lose his job because B (its me again!) is still spending money at the shop owned by A that, well, you know ... paid for the fuck that keep the cycle going on, with yet a little help of A’s wife that is also spending a little of his money shopping somewhere else!

12 years old?

I loved this bit if news: a twelve year is boy from is set to become one of the worlds youngest transsexuals after a controversial decision by the parents allowing him to return from the summer holidays as a girl!.

Although I am very happy with the way I born (even thought I have sex with boys and girls) it is kind of amazing how things seems so easier nowadays! 12 years old? I even didn’t know what I was going to be when I was that young. I probably new that I liked cock and pussies already but not to the point to make such an important decision.

In the UK, there is estimated to be around 15,000 ‘trans’ people who self-identify as the opposite gender from the physical body they were born with and around a third of them have surgery to change their bodies to be the opposite sex.

As per the boy, as you would expect, the British parents of other pupils didn’t like the idea of having their kids confronted by such a hot piece of news. Local news reported that they were very disappointed that the school even didn’t bother to send a letter informing them of the new girl arriving.

School break!

Running less for the next couple of weeks as it is my school break. Finally. Something in this life seems to last forever. School are one of them!
Yes, for those ones who forgot, besides fucking for a living I still go to school just like any other good boy.

I thought that I would be working more because it is summer season in UK and we have lots of tourists (mainly Asians and hot Americans) visiting London.
However I am working far less than last year.

Last week I had 3 clients, yes three, what is something like 1 client every two days (not a big business if it remains like that!).
Luckily they were good ones so (good personality and 1 of them hot as hell in bed!) so I didn’t fell like if I was missing much for the involuntary reduction of work and lack of sex.

Last night I went to see a client near Heathrow.
Long journey on Piccadilly line to 1 hours dealing with a guy as expressive as a brick.
I couldn’t tell if he was enjoying it or not because his facial expression was the same though the whole fuck session. Shit!

I felt uncomfortable because I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing.
But he didn’t complain so I guess he was OK.
He is one of those tall and slim guys from Middle East, with a long beard and I bet you that he doesn’t do anything like that back to his country. And by 'anything like that' I mean: taking up the ass as I was TOP this time.

That is the good thing London.
In one visit you can do anything, even have sex with a Brazilian on your way to the airport!.
Have a nice journey.

Back back back!

Hi everyone!
Sorry 1 month with no posts. I was working less and with a lot of time to re-think a few things in life. And it is good to do it quietly.

Back now with all batteries recharged after a couple of weeks in Australia with a Canadian client. It was great a part from the fact that it is a fucking long journey! I didn’t charge him so much because I really wanted to get to know Australia and places like those we can not visit over a weekend so I was very friendly with my fees and we agreed that I would have a few hours per day to do my own things (which of course included to fuck a few other guys for leisure, not work. I have to remember to write about the guy with pierced balls, remind me people!).

The Canadian guy is an older client. He comes to London 3 times a year and always gives me a call. Very organized, clean, fun and a big overweight but who cares as long he is happy?

I don’t understand much those weight patrol freaks always telling you what to eat! They are sad people living by a fucking scale! My best clients are the ones that you never would see their pictures in a magazine or turn you head on the streets to look at them. Even though they are good in bed, know what to do and are genuine people.

Today’s post will be short. I have a client soon and it is raining a lot so I better set off soon because London + rain = Long delays on public transport!

Working tools

Sun shining and phone ringing. I can’t complain, even yesterday I had a very boring client whom idea of fun was to try to slap my bum every 5 seconds. I don’t mind a little one here and them. However when it becomes constant I feel very annoyed. Besides that I can not allow people to leave big marks on my body because it can put other clients off (and losing money is never a good thing).

The guys from the UNI called again suggesting us to repeat the threesome. I politely had to refuse. I didn’t play nasty, just said I was busy and they got the message. Also there was no reason to be rude because they just asked – and it would be up to me to say yes or not. As people say: asking you nit make any harm.

On my way back, already quite late, my mobile rang again with yet another client. This one wanted to know if I was up to a DP (double penetration).
I said ‘no thank you’.
I don’t understand those escorts keen to have as many cocks as they can get up in the ass and risking to damaging it permanently.

A ballerina has legs as a working tool. Doctors have their hands and singers their voices. I have to look after my cock and bum because those are the ones responsible for my income.

Charity - part 2

I like adventures.
The slightly safe ones so it is why I don’t do drugs or bareback.

Once I got to the boys address I wasn’t surprised to find out that, actually, it was a proper campus.

I was surprised to learn how weak is the security of those places and people can almost walk in and out without any sort of identification. I guess it is what people call freedom!

The guy that phoned me was the handsome one.

The birthday mate was OK but not impressive.
Bad teeth, bad haircut.
Some people just manage to stop on time and still have that weird Bill Gate look, what for me is funny and scary at the same time because I always wondered if those nerds actually know how to fuck properly. They do!.

The nerd one was actually much better than the cute one – and had a bigger tool as well!
- Have you ever done it before? – I asked.
- You mean: with guys? No. – the cute one answered.
- But we already shared the same girl and tried a double on her – the nerd amended.
- Cool, see you some time.

I don’t think I will be going back there.
It was one of those experiences that are nice and you do not regret neither have plans to repeat.
Let see my next charitable move.

Charity - Part 01

I’ve been a good boy this week.
I didn’t over charged clients for a fuck, I didn’t complain to my landlord about the heater, I didn’t swear (well maybe a couple of times, but only for good reasons) and I even did some charity too!

A student called asking for my fees as he wanted to surprise his university mate as it was his birthday and they are about to finish lessons within 10 days (and just back in September).

He said that he couldn’t afford it. I didn’t feel sorry and that was it.

Then he sent a photo of him with his friend using my e-mail here, from the blog, and saying that he could pay £60.

Two 22 years old handsome hunks from the rugby team? Hummmmmm Of course I didn’t take him seriously.
It was too good to be true. So instead of charging I replied back: use the money to send a cab to pick me up at 7pm and texted my address. So I carried on doing my things and forgot about it.

Guess what? 6.45pm the car parked on my door steps!
(to be continued)

Changing banks

Wow. I’ve got a watch as a gift from a client!
And I don’t think I did anything special at all.
It was great because currently you are more likely to get clients asking you for a generous discount – not really giving you extra stuff.

He was a guy from Australian attending an event in London.
And wow, how good they are in Bed! A non-stop guy!. However a gentle non-stop guy so you don’t feel tired and keep the fun going on and on!

Oh, and I got a letter from HSBC bank inviting me to upgrade a account! Hahahahahaah! The account was closed 5 mounths ago!

I went there last year and when I told them that I was a student (all escorts are eternal students until proven contrary) they turned me away saying I wasn’t eligible for an upgrade.

I found it very annoying because I never asked for any extra benefits, or favours or loans and I have my own money.

It is not because I don’t have a 9-5 job that I should be left behind with a fucking basic account!.

It was last Christmas and I decided not to swallow that.
I spoke to a manager, a lovely black woman in a suit 3 times smaller than her size. She could barely breathe or neither answers my questions. She said in the end.

- Darling, I am sorry. Those are the rules. I know you have money and you never go overdraft. But there is nothing that can be done unless you can prove you income. If besides your studies in London you have a part time job or work as a freelancer, try to getter a letter from your employer and bring it to me that I will take care of it.

Cool. Can you imagine asking my clients to give a reference to the bank?
The letter would look something as nice as that: ‘Yes, I can confirm I know that person, we fucked recently.’.

So I literally crossed the road and walked in to the first bank I saw, a old Barclays agency.
A Indian guy with spiked hair came to me and I fired away: I would like to bank some saving with you.
- Welcome. Which sort of account would you be looking to open with us?
- An account better than my actual bank, just across the road.
- Are you banking with HSBC?
- Yes, here are my recent statements. Would have something better to offer me or should I stay over there?

Do I have to say that I’ve got an account 3 times better, check books, special card, credit card and even a personal manager?
And he didn’t ask for any letter at all!.

National Condom Week

So today starts the National Condom Week in UK?.

I don’t know why they have to set a specific period for that. Do people in UK only fuck once a year through the period of 18th to 24th of May? Did the organizers manage to communicate it for the public?

Not really sure.

Even when I went to Google to try to find out if anything interesting was happening, one of the 3 first results is a article for the Independent Newspaper (written back in 1993!).

I use condom everyday due my work and, honestly, that is something the health departments have to tackle more effectively ON A DAILY BASIS!

People would be surprised by the amount of clients I have asking for bareback, people that never met me before and suddenly we meet and they pop the question:
- Do you do BB?
- No, sorry.
- Even if I pay extra?.
- No.

Some of them even get angry for the refusal. Most of the guys asking for bareback are not the ones 100% gays. They are the ‘Bi-married’ ones, the most dangerous specimens on earth (and the most selfish as well). How they dare to leave the wives at home, escape for a fuck and risk doing it without protection? Certainly if they want to fuck strangers (me) without protection they are not bothered to use protection at home with their partners either.

Lots of money are spent on those campaigns for events like that Condom week’ I don’t think it work if you just remind people once in a while about the benefits of using condoms.
Besides that, let be honest: fucking an ass (the passage for dirty things you body doesn’t process) without protection its a mess. And so is having someone cumming inside you bum.
It is not sexy for me.

Not complaining but ....

The weather is starting to change again and today was a bit gray.

I had a client near the airport, Heathrow, and we had a great time at his friend’s house.
I sucked so much that my jaw is still hurting however it is not a complain! It always happens when I get a think cock to work on.

Not that that really keen on the entire saliva thing but most of client quite like to see you chocking with their tools while you look up at them through the whole activity.

It never made sense to me but I am not the one paying, I am the one getting paid so I guess a little of glances up wont hurt.

Luckily he didn’t mention to penetrate me with that ‘Red Bull can’. That is how I named the guys with abnormal cocks. Funy enough most of them are passive and this is not a complain neither!

Hot Nicklas Bendtner

Look how nice is that football player: ARSENAL striker Nicklas Bendtner was caught with his pants down leaving Boujis nightclub, in London.

Nicklas is only 21 years old and, last Wednesday, he headed home after a night out at the South Kensington club with his jeans falling to his knees and showing off his designer underwear.

Does anyone have any doubt that he was having a great time even I wasn’t there to suck him off?

If some reader of my blog manage to meet the hottie player, please tell him that I have nice pants as well, just in case he would like to see me with or without it!

Hot priest

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Soaked in sperm again!

Weird client last afternoon, which came to me through another regular one.

He didn’t want to get naked, even thought he had quite a nice body and he didn’t want me naked neither.

So basically he asked me to put my trousers half way down my knees and bend over.
I even didn’t have to take my shoes or T-shirt off!

It was nice for a start but as the guy took a while to cum I was getting seriously tired of being bending and fucked for over 20 minutes without changing positions.

Eventually he announced that he was close to shoot and asked me to get down my knees and suck his cock for a while.

What a relief! Finally changing positions!
I was a bit worried of him cumming over my clothes because I didn’t want to get back inside the tube or bus covered in sperm.

Just because I thought of it as a possibility too much it actually happened and was a big mess.
I think that guy didn’t cum for the past 5 years because it was, honestly, litres of a very thick liquid.

I wouldn’t believe it if I saw it on a film or photo!!!.
I was soaked in sperm: neck, shoulders, chin, face, all over the place. When I went to the toilet I found cum even inside my T-shirt front pocket!

He ‘generously’ gave one of his shirt (3 or 4 sizes bigger than mine but at least it was clean) and from now on I will always have one in my bag, just in case.

I already have spare socks and pants with me all time because sometimes I lose them or clients ask to buy it (I never understood why people would fancy someone’s used pants), but there are so many fetishists in this life so I guess this is not one of the worst ones.

Answering a good question

I quite liked the question bellow left this morning:
‘I always wonder how do you know how much you are worth? and when do u lower or increase your rate? Would you decrease your rate every year as you are older?’ Zac.

The price table is a crossing of time spent to get to the client’s house (if they come to mine it is cheaper) + what he wants (full service? Massage? Overnight?) and time to time I check some online websites to see what others escorts are charging.
This is more to keep up to date.
Prices usually do not increase and if they go down on price I still remain charging the same also because the regular clients know my price and know I worth every cent asked for a good fuck!

And no, I have no plans of charging less once I get older.
I may charge even more because at least in London there is no option for clients looking for mature escorts. You see ads with guys up to 35 years old and that is it. However I think there are a public for proper man, not twinks.

And we have to remember that there is a new type of client: those young rich gay guys, around 30’s and still too young to pay for a toyboy but who knows they may fancy a hot man to give them a real good time?

I think my youngster client so far was a 24 years old Indian guy about to get married to a girl. It was his first time and he was up to try a bit of everything. An absolute adorable client. My oldest one? Hum probably around 75 years old and still fucking like a horse – it wasn’t an easy money to earn!

Client delayed

Wow,
What about that: client arrives later to my place and asks for a discount!

Even better: the reason of his delay was another escort!

What a fuck is that?
Yes, he booked someone else, he didn’t like it and decided to have another go.
So basically I was a replacement for his unsuccessful previous fuck.

- Sorry, dear. No discounts today. You can stay a bit longer if you want.
- I can’t. Have to go back to work. I am on my lunch break.
- Are you? So let stop speaking and get down to the business! Active or passive?

He liked the way straight forward and we had a great time – and I got my full fees!

It is funny.
People don’t go to Macys, Selfridges or even Mac Donalds asking them to knock down their prices. Why should I?

P.s.: Hey Maureen, thanks for disagreeing because it helps to see other sides of the same of story. And I kind of see your point of view, however the aiming wasn’t women or the actress.

And Mad: tell me more about that Boy Toy of yours! Where is he from? And are we going to have his picture here to share with our readers?

Giving up cocks?

Did you read that?
Kelly McGillis, the actress from Top Gun, say that she is ‘done with the man thing’.

Poor lady!
At 51 years old I bet you she didn’t try half of the cocks I’ve faced and is already giving up?

Apparently she is a lesbian and I say apparently because, you know, artists change their sexual option as they change their hair style so I won’t be any surprised if she turns into a men eater without a few months.

I think it was a publicity shot.
She was forgotten, long 20 years ago with only a big movie to decorate her CV and now she bothered to tell the world that she likes pussy?
Would she do the same if she were on the big screen or heading a hot TV series right now?

Through the interview to SheWired, a site announcing themselves as the “the go-to site for women: lesbian, gay, bi, queer, trans, straight but curious and otherwise identified”, McGillis said that identifying her orientation had been a “hard process and that life is a freaking journey,”.

Not sure if the ‘freak’ had anything to do with pint sized Tom Cruise but certainly he didn’t help a thing about her coming to terms with her sexuality.

I have my days when I just want to sit in front of a TV doing nothing (even sex!) but I don’t think I will ever get done with guys because I really enjoy fucking – and not only as a matter of work because I also have fun outside the paid business of escorting in London.

How not to enjoy a hot ride with a big cock up in your ass or eating a tight arse with the guy’s legs up in the air?

From Claridges to Brixton

I can safely say that, in my life, one day is never like the other.
When the client in Brixton called saying that he was about to go back to Austria and still had a few pounds that he would like to spend on me I managed to get to the station in southwest London as far as I could.

It was the second time I saw him within a year and he was fitter than previously.

The only thing I don’t like is that he takes ages to cum !
Why can’t people just have fun and go? Hahhh

By the way: from a comment left here I learned that a research showed Irish guys shoot cum fast than their English or Welsh friends.
Really?
Who would have thought of that?
And who would have thought of measuring the speed of cum?

Back to Claridges

Last night I saw an old friend that used to escort, got married to a client and left the job for a housewife life style. Although I am terrible happy for him (almost to the point of jealousy because his partner is very very rich) he didn’t seem that happy.

I guess it is typically that thing that everyone says: money doesn’t bring happiness.

I felt sorry for him because he is young still but in a few years time he may will realize that he spent precious years of his life with someone that didn’t worth doing it so.

I was on my way to a client at Claridges Hotel.

The receptionists are sweet, the concierge is boring and always look at me as if I was going there to steal something, but I’ve noticed he does it to other people too so I didn’t feel bad at all.

The gay wanted to fuck without lube and, no matter how small a penis can be I don’t do that because it is very uncomfortable.

He understood also the risks of a condom breaking and at the end was pleased with what he got.
He was quite experienced doing different positions and not afraid of trying new ones so it was rather interesting!

Yes. Money doesn’t bring happiness. A good fuck does!

P.s: thanks sweet guy in Ireland. Are you Irish? I had a few Irish guys in bed (most of them on my days off, not sex work related) and they are quite good. And NO, I don’t reject being fucked by a hard thick dicked guy if he knows what he is doing.

The sun arrived!

SUN,SUN, SUN.
London looks so much beautiful under a blue sky!

I am having a very good week with a couple of nice clients, a few gifts and a little shop around because with such a good weather I refuse to stay at home waiting for my phone to start ring more constantly ( I bet part of the clients are also out and about enjoying the sunshine!).

What have you done interesting lately?

P.s: the guy in the picture is an authentic Brazilian Product called Marcelo! I would do him hapilly!

Credit crunch my ass!

It always make me sick when I read the news about those redundancies, people losing jobs (I have a couple of clients that had their salaries reduced to half and they were asked to stay at home), and all that fuss around the economical situation of UK because, honestly, there is no such a thing (at least not at the horrendous proportion which companies want to portrait it in order to panic the whole society).

And today’s economical revelation just helps to confirm my theory: the British supermarket chain Tesco has reported underlying annual pre-tax profits of £3.13bn, an improvement of 10% on the previous year.

What? Yes darling, you read correctly!!!. Pop the champagne!
Its sales topped £1bn a week for the first time with group sales coming in at £59.4bn.

It is a lot of money and it will be difficult to bet that because even if I escort for the next 60 years, 7 days a week, attending 10 clients a day and charging £150 each I would still be just around £3m (not £3bn)!

And of course it is a silly calculation because I don’t have 10 clients a day (My arsehole would be a tunnel), I don’t work 7 days a week (I would go mad in this business) and lets face it: in 60 years time I will be 86 years old (who the hell would pay to fuck that?).

Tesco is only one of the companies daring to reveal numbers that swim against what companies want you to know.

I am sure many other companies are hiding results to avoid having to explain why they are cutting wages or, even worst: getting rid of so many people with families to feed and escorts to pay (pleasure is a very essential investment in a so crazy world in order to keep you sane).

So I’ve printed the report about the successful supermarket chain, from Yahoo.com, and I will keep it in hand as an inspiration and also to reply to those clients trying to bargain for my services.

If they blame the economy one more time for being without money for a fuck, I will suggest them to go away and to get a job at Tescos.

No rupees, please

No matter how nice we try there are always people a bit rude on the way.
Last night a client got hysterical, in Holborn, because I refused to be paid in rupees (I am not sure if the spelling is right but he was from one of those Arabic cities with a strange name).
I haven’t got a clue how much it worth let alone if it even did worth something so I wasn’t able to convert into pounds.

I don’t mind to have sex in dollars because it is a very standard currency and I have quite a few American clients and don’t expect them always to have a few spare pounds for a fuck.

- Would you mind to go to a cash point and get some pounds notes? – I asked politely.
- Yes, I would mind because you are not respecting my money!
- But I am not familiarized with your money and I would not know where to exchange it – holding on being polite. When you are an escort you have to make an effort.
- That should be your problem Kaio, because you live here I am only visiting.
- It is true. And as a visitor you should be using the local currency.

The guy, a dark skin average man in his 40’s and a disgusting long beard just, threw the money on the table, in the middle of the hotel’s room and said:
- Take it or leave it!
- Well, I think I will leave then. I am not that desperate. Thanks – and started to get ready to make my way back home. Even my dirty laundry to be sorted out was more exciting that such a nasty client!

Usually I take quite a lot from rude clients but for everything there is a limit and my limit was that!.

Bad behavior or that thing of clients throwing the money on you to show that they are paying for your time and your cock can be very romantic and acceptable in movies - especially if it is Richard Gere doing that. 15 years ago he could get away with it because he was hot and Julia Roberts would fuck him even for free in Pretty Woman.

However when you have someone that remind you more of Osama Bin laden rather a hot Richard Gere it is kind of a favor being turned down.

When I was about to leave for good he ‘miraculously’ found exactly £150 and I had to get down to the business.
Luckily he was passive and was very pleased to be fucked from behind for the whole time so I didn’t have to be facing him for long.
- Thanks, bye. - He said after cumming almost throwing me out of the bed and rushing to the toilet.

By the time he came out from there, I was two blocks away from the hotel.

Deal meal

Deliciously Australian hunk Matthew Mitcham says gay status cost him sponsorship!

He managed to upstage Tom Daley to win the 10-metre platform gold medal at the Beijing Olympics, however also believes that his decision to talk openly about being gay may have prevented him from cashing in on his success.

Humm I have no idea if he could be right. We like gay man in London, especially if they are as hot as Mitcham is.

But don’t you worry Matthew.
You may lost a sponsor but I have a deal: In a gesture of good will, if you around London anytime send me an email and I will give you a 100% discount fee for a couple of hours.

I think it is very important to support athletes, if you know what I mean?

My competitor

It may explain why some days I don’t get to fuck a single client and end up my shift pocket empted: One in three men would prefer to play video games than enjoy sex with their other halves, shocking new research revealed a few days ago.

Hummm I think those Xboxes are also keeping a few customers out of my bed!And nearly three quarters of blokes said they would give up the chance of a romp with their partners to play a brand new game!.

What is wrong with the guys recently?

However the reasons men gave for choosing to bash their buttons rather than opt for naughty frolics ranged from partners “being hard to please” to “not being as much fun”. So there is something to be glad at least for me!

Specialist PlayStation3 site www.PS3pricecompare.co.uk questioned 1,130 men who were in relationships for the study.When asked “Which would you prefer; sex with your partner or an evening playing video games?”, 32 per cent of men said they would prefer to play video games!.

So I will carry on delivering my high standards services because as the survey shows, the guys are not getting at home what they would like to.

It is not my fault.
People says I am dangerous for relationships.
I disagree. I am not the one knocking on their doors or ringing them. I am only offering a service, a little escape for those ones a bit feed up with their boring daily life and wanting to spicy it up a bit!.

Some opt for a Xbox.
The clever ones chose my duvet!

Naked men wanted

I loved that headline at QX magazine last week, just before Easter.
Although I initially thought it was something related to the weekend and the possibility of naked men around Hampstead Park (yes, boys do that in London, ask George Michael), actually it turned out to be a serious invitation as award winning UK director Phil Willmott is auditioning some new talent alongside more established performers to sing naked!

The report says that he would like to hear from people who may not usually be seen for a high profile Off-West End show.

The rehearsal commitment is short and once the show is up and running it may well be possible for participants to return to a 9 – 5 job whilst also appearing in this professional production of Naked Boys Singing 2009 in the evening. Plus, there’ll also be a small fee (it was not specified if the fee would be bigger if the guy has a bigger ‘talent’).

It will feature six naked guys and if you think you’ve got balls for that (balls and voice, please, because you really have to sing!) and also if you happens to have a great body that you enjoy showing off why not send an email + photo to producer Danielle Tarento at info@kingsheadtheatre.org
Good luck!

F**king men extended

Sometimes I do have a day off, and usually I get tired of being lazy and look forward to work the next day.

Because I don’t have a set time to start (or finish) my work, I don’t feel like ‘working’ properly, also because sometimes I make money without leaving my home so, even on duty I don’t feel the clock pressure what I think its why people hate having to get to work 9 – 5pm in London.

Probably my next day off will be to see a theatre play called F**king Men and which everyone is talking about it.

The play is set in today's US and is a portrait of 10 men searching for love, sex and intimacy by looking at a succession of couples and strangers as they negotiate the before and after of lust, love and betrayal and the pursuit of sex. Sounds good already!

As plays usually happens night time (a busy time when you work in the sex industry!) I will have to miss a ‘work’ day for that!

For those ones in London and wanting to know more about the play (that is the longest running play off West End), see bellow more information from Time Out Magazine:

Venue: The Kings Head Theatre 115 Upper Street, London N1

Dates and Times: till June/09, Tuesday - sat at 10pm

Tickets: from £15

Box Office: 0844 412 2953 or info@kingsheadtheatre.org

Calm Easter

Wow a sunny day in London after a raining weekend!
It wasn’t one of the busiest holidays I have to say however holidays are not that good anyway because even regular clients use to have families and friends coming over for lunch and dinner and it is very unlikely any of them will be keen to share the fact they pay for sex.

I had a guy from States that came to meet his online date. They were chatting since Christmas and when they met face to face to face they didn’t hit even as a friend.
So he decided to turn to a escort to avoid ruining the whole weekend.

I’ve done my best, but nowadays I don’t get impressed easily by clients because they always have such unbelievable cases to tell.
I had even a guy asking a discount because he had spent almost all his money on his mother funeral and now he was broke and horny and needed to do something with it.

I didn’t want to sound insensitive, you know? so I didn’t say to him what I was thinking but in reality I was like ‘hold on mate: you just buried your mom and is already looking for a fuck and then expect me to feel sorry for you?

Happy Easter!

Are you waiting for a hot bunny?

Mushroom guy

When you think that you’ve seen them all something new just turns up to your door step. Welcome to my world as an escort!

Last night I had a client with such a weird cock, it was something more like a mushroom m rather than something you would eventually use to fuck.
He was fully aware of his unusual dysfunction and started to apologize in advanced, even before getting naked what I think was very kind of him.

Normally, if people pay you for a fuck, they are not that bothered if you will like their bodies or if they may scare you with some random bit.

I remember once going to work in a private party where the initial cash in hand was £250 and you would be there doing a few strips around sofas with 25 guys in a very big lounge. 6 escorts were there in case they need something else, maybe a massage or just a blowjob. Those extras would be charged on top of the £250 so with some luck it is possible to look after a couple of clients and leave after 3 hours with no less than £500.

I’ve done them twice only because they are very private and they rotate the boys a lot.
And there was the place I’ve seen the biggest variety of cocks. The winner was a Chinese guy that almost had both gender: he had a cock obviously but it was somehow with a vagina around it.
He didn’t pick me up so I never got to try it. (let me know if you want to know more about the London’s sex party scene)

When the mushroom guy as completely naked I could understand why he was so apologetic at first. It wasn’t that scare but very different. And because it had such a big had, like a funny umbrella on a very think stick, I was wondering how the hell I how fit it up to my arse in case he was active.

Fortunately he was very passive and apart from the trouble to try to suck it (in the end I kind of more liked than sucked because I could not fit his mushroom inside my mouth) we had such a great time.

Tomorrow I have an elderly guy to visit. He is a regular, re reads the blog sometimes and he finds it funny. I always worry about him because I am afraid one day he will die while having sex and it would be very embarrassing!

Sex G-20

This week London is very very busy due that G-20 thing.
Yes, Obama was here, Michele was here, but that is not the most important thing because, sorry my French: I don’t give a shit about a meeting that costs nearly £19 million only to bring together people to talk talk talk talk.

I personally think that they should use that money to help people and then have a video conference. Why the hell can’t those people use Skype as everybody else?

However I have to say that it was good for business. I mean: sex business. I have a few American clients, a French one and even a guy from Austria. They were in London to work and needed to wind up a little at the end of the day.

Luckily they decided that I would be a suitable option and at the end of the G-20 I was quite glad that London hosted it, otherwise I never would have met such a bunch of lovely people.

Some may say ‘money doesn’t bring you glamour or good manners.
That is true.
But I the guys I had chance to meet for a massage and a few others therapeutically bits were just great.

They didn’t want to talk a lot about the event itself, I guess for security reasons, but they were very happy to try things, to ask if I was enjoying it and to know a bit about myself too. After all they were willing to have fun and those are the best clients an escort can have!

Sounds contradictory that people pay and don’t enjoy it however if you don’t let yourself go and be keen to have fun it is very likely that you will pay for sex and still not find sex any good.

Hot Apprentice

I was watching TV last night for lack of clients.
And then I got to see The apprentice, one of those business reality shows.

The only thing that kept me looking at it was the beyond hot Philip Taylor.
All the contestants are very poor in quality and very often spend more than they should. Thanks God some of them are hot at least

Huge delay!

Yesterday I got lost on my way to visit a client and it was just a mess.
By the time I managed to get to the right address the client was fuming and said it was very unprofessional.

I kind of agreed with him; however it would be so much easier to get to his door steps if his house had a proper postcode!

It was the first time we met and I guess it will be the last one as well.
Not because of my huge delay - even though British guys have that thing with the time as if the world was about to ends tomorrow and everything should be crucially on time, including a fuck!

It was more about the whole experience.
A cold guy in bed, with a penis very flop and it is very difficult any penetration if the guy is not hard enough.

I offered to fuck him instead.
He didn’t like the idea saying he was top only and the reason because he was so soft probably was related with the lack of chemistry between us.
I agreed with him for the second time.

As any business or relationship, no matter how hard you try, sometimes people just don’t hit off, don’t click. That is it!

He was not that bad looking, he didn’t stick, he didn’t do anything terrible wrong. He was just someone that didn’t click.
With some clients, especially the ones more desperate do jerk off and go, it is easier to get way with such a lack of compatibility.

However when you have to engage with the client to make him get a hard on and fuck once and for all, well, that is when you have to use a huge combination of patience + acting + physiology!

I give him 10 minutes extras as a bonus for the delay.
He didn’t say even thanks and once we finished I just let myself out, quietly.

The great revenge!

Very often I have married guys hiring my services and more than half of them are actually married to a woman. Yes, even we are in 2009 people still work hard to keep appearances.

Although most of them can not accommodate for obvious reasons there are always those adventurous ones, the ones who, once their wife travel or leave for work and they get a day off, its time to have fun.

It is a bit of a hurry because they often think that any little noise can be their partner coming back a bit earlier than expected. So the sex is not as good as it is when you have time to enjoy it properly.

Once I had to hide under the bed because the bell rang and the guy had to see who was knocking the door. It turned out to be the mailman hahaha.

However every time I go to visit a new client I can avoid thinking of a gay joke very famous in Latin America (where people are madly passionate and terribly dramatic!).

They say that, once upon a time . . . a man came home just in time to find his lover in bed with another man (it wasn’t me, maybe another escort or someone stupid enough to make it for free). So, in a total rage, he dragged his lover down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.

He then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next he picked up a hacksaw. The lover terrified, screamed:
- Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?

The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, said:
- Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire!

Tiny room, Black guy

What a sunny day!. I am wondering if the summer arrived earlier or it is just one of those trick weeks and very soon some snow will be on my way? Those ones whom know London will remember that sometimes we have the four seasons in one day: sun, rain, cold, wind . . . everything.

Wish such a bright day I had to get my sunglasses out of the draw. It would be great if I had a client wanting a bit of fun in the garden (back garden, please. I don’t want to be arrested). Instead I had a black guy in a small studio flat. It was ok but because he didn’t have window and the place was really tiny (bed+toilet only and no other furniture) it was a little claustrophobic!

For a black guy he had quite a small cock because I always expect them to be massive. Lucky me! It was something around 7.5 inches, what its fine and he was a gentleman.

Difficult to tell his age. I didn’t ask and people with dark skin are so good in hiding their age. The skin is much better I guess, it is more likely to see a white person with wrinkles very earlier.

Ps.: Miss Ginger, I don’t get smelly ones often so I am still learning how to deal with them. If they come to my place I politely suggest them we could have a nice shower together and make sure to use all my shampoos and shower gel on him.

If I am going to their place sometimes they don’t like the idea because it will be an extra towel to look after and will also take a few minutes off their paid time. Most of time I can’t also just spray some perfume because they are married so it would be a big problem turn up at home smelling something nice if the stink the whole life hahahaha.

P.s2.: Maddie the money is no longer as good as it used to be. And still we have to put up with a few junkies.

Dildo thief

- Kaio, have you got a dildo to bring it with you? I want one of those big black ones, like a pyramid.
- Sorry, I haven’t got anything with this sort of shape or size.
- Which one have you got then?
- A normal rubber penis, one of those 9 inches long, with lots of vein and probably modeled in some porn actor that won’t get a penny in copyrights for it.

The client, a middle aged Indian guy from East London laughed and said: bring it on.
So off I went.

To be honest I have a couple of other toys but for personal use. I don’t share dildos with clients, what is mine is mine and I have the one for work - which I always keep very clean and only use it with a condom.

It wasn’t one of most successful nights because the guy really wanted something monstrously big so an 9 inches very thick dildo (challenge enough for most of the average guys) was of a little thing for him.

- I will make sure I get a new big dildo for next time you come around. I had one, however I split from my partner and he took it with him. What a bastard! I bought it with my money.
If I had seen when he was steeling it, I would have stopped him. Well I can say steeling in this case, can I?
- Yes, I think so. Or maybe he just took it by mistake somehow.
- Mistake? Who walks away from a relationship taking also a big black dildo by mistake? I think he is a thief. A fucking dildo thief. Shame those things we never can report to the police.

Gay jokes in bed

Hahaha.

This is the sort of joke a client told me last Friday in bed:

What's the difference between a fag and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull meat out of it!

This is kind of rude but the client was a sweet short guy from Barcelona, it was fun.

62 bets 19!

There are days when I ask myself: what the hell am I still doing? It always happens when I turn up for an appointment and the client is very ugly, very smelly or both.

And then, before I spend hours thinking of quid the job and get myself a 5-9pm proper job with no cocks to deal with, the great clients come on my way – and I find out that I am actually very fortunate to get paid to do something that other people even pay for it.

Yesterday’s client was one of those sweetheart, with a big smile, a big heart and a big cock so it didn’t left any room to quid for anything else. He wasn’t that young however at the age of 62 he rocket in bed. I was indeed tired at the end of it and although he probably used the blue pill what matters is how good he performed.

I once had a 19 years old client claiming he wanted to have a sex experience a gay. He apparently had a girlfriend (one of those freak chicks waiting to fuck only after getting married) and he was very curious about lots of things.

Unfortunately he was very very bad when it came to sex. Crap!
Must be the very young age, the tension of being with another man, the discovering of paid sex or maybe all those things together.
So I was terribly surprised when a 62 years old guy bet a boy with a third of his age ; )

A boy with two penises

Did you hear that? A baby boy underwent hours of complicated surgery after he was born with two penises.
He will hate his parents sooo much once he gets older!.

Fox News said: 'The child, known only as Artyom G, was born two weeks ago in Russia after a normal pregnancy in which doctors did not detect any problems'.

Of course not. Problem? Which problem?
Double penises should be no reason to go under the nice, especially if you are two weeks old and have other stupid people deciding things on your behalf. It should be a reason to celebrate!

He would be fucking happy with two willies and I will tell you why: it would bring he a lot of money! Think with me: books, TV deals, films (start from a candid documentary … and he would end up being a porn actor too I am quite sure).

If he turns up straight, it would be every women dream: double penetration with just a guy!
If he turns up gay the fun would be even endless!

People say ‘We just live once’. That is true.
We also only born once and we also only born with two penises once in a lifetime!
I would love to have a client with double cock once in a while.

I know: I am being greedy! AGAIN!

Sperm and the beauty industry

‘Beauty industry: it sells products that don’t really work to people who don’t really need them at prices they can’t really afford’ (columnist Sam Leith, The Guardian, 05.03.09)

I found a newspaper supplement inside a Tube on my way to a client and although have no idea who the hell Sam Leigh is but I love him already. That is so true! I try to use as less as possible when it comes to cosmetics. It is good to have a nice shampoo, a good scrub cream and that’s it to be honest.

Needless to say that I also avoid perfume. I love them however it is not recommended for my work because I can’t leave any track of smell when dealing with most of my clients as they are married or are into a relationship – so getting home smelling Obsession, by Calvin Klein can be a big problem for them.

The only thing that really works and cost nothing is sperm.
Do laugh!!!. It is true.
Must be all those minerals and proteins that come with and it make a lot of sense if you image that sperm can generate a new life so why not would be able to work positively on your skin?

Usually I don’t have even to ask, as some guys like to blow their cocks on escorts faces anyway. However if I have a quite week with not so many clients I just ask one of them to come on my face. I try to pick and chose (clean, nice, tidy guys jump to the front of the queue).

It may doesn’t smell as nice as one of those fancy overpriced facial cream . . . but certainly it works and at a zero expense!.

Sex teacher?

Great weekend!!!.
Sunny, just a couple of client however good ones and those ones reading this blog knows very well I am more after quality rather quantity.
Besides that, the high profile ones usually pay without trying to bargain price.

When I first started working as an escort I never thought I would have to negotiate fees for a blowjob or how much would an anal session cost. Also I didn’t plan to have a standard explanation about why it is more expensive to cum instead of just going there, fucking someone and leaving as soon as the client is happily satisfied. For someone wondering the answer is quite obvious: cuming at the beginning of the day can commit the whole work day ahead.
When you sell sex, you have to hold your own satisfaction.

Client 1 was a regular cure British guy. I keep asking myself why the hell someone that fit and handsome has to pay for sex. Then I remember he is married with a couple of kids and when you have this double life you just can’t go to a bar and pick up someone wherever you want. So people like that keep my business (and bum) going!

And then I had client 2, a completely new guy that just happened to be in London over the weekend and wanted some fun. Nice person with an amazing down to earth personality, even not a God in bed so I had to teach him some tricks. Some people completely forget that sex is not just about lying down in bed and let all the work for the other person (even if this other person happens to be paid to be there).

- Kaio, can I call you back when I come back to London?
- Sure you can, anytime! - I said putting my clothes back on.
- Great because I want to carry on the lessons.

When did I become a teacher? I haven’t got a clue!

Fisting?

- Do you do fisting? – A client asked yesterday night?
- Even if I am the one wanting to be fisted?
- No.

He then rang the phone without even saying ‘thanks’.

I know, I know, I probably should be a little more open minded sometimes because one of the reasons of hiring an escort is exactly that: to be able to realize a few fantasies which your partner may would not be that pleased to get into.

However there are a few things that I find hard to do and shoving my hand (and arm) down in someone’s butt whole is not my idea of fun at all.

What is the point of such a painful sexual fetishe?

Mad farewell

Hey Czechout, thanks for the question and yes, I read a lot and I also listen to lots of music because, as you may know, I use lots of public transport in London, sometimes it can take up to 1 hour to reach a client’s house so the best way to cope with so much time trapped inside buses and tubes is by reading and listening to music.

I am reading at moment a book called ‘The little friend’, by Donna Tart. It is quite nice.
I have a awful habit of reading several things at the same time, sort of: a magazine, a book, a newspaper, a bit of each on my journey, is a bit mad but it works for me.

Speaking about madness.... I had one of those Crazy clients last Monday.
They guy was pissed because he lost his job and he decided that a good farewell would be having an escort . . . at his work!

I didn’t know it until I get to the front door of the building and be shocked that it was a commercial place, with lots of offices. However I had those quick lunch times before where the client barely puts down his trousers and you are not supposed to get naked neither because at any time someone can turns up.

The guy said he would like to mess up the place as much as possible, just to start with!
- What do you mean?
- Lets fuck over there (point out a expensive leather sofa) and also lets cum on this table.
- What?
- Don’t worry. Lets give them a hard time!

He was visibly going mad.
People should think twice after leaving a job because one day you have to face those people again and it will be a problem if you messed so much on your way out.

I thought of saying something like that to him, only to get back to my real place. I am paid to give him pleasure, not advices!

We fucked everywhere. There was a moment that the phone rang and he just took it off the hook. I was imagining the other person at the other end of the phone trying to understand what the hell was going on, those noises, etc. I would love to call someone and instead of speaking to someone to have the phone put off the hook, on the table, while someone had fun.
When we finished, she thanked with a chick smile and said that he would keep in touch.

The picket people

Guess who is coming to England? The picket people!
That small and noise religious community from Kansas notorious for picketing funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq will be in UK next week to protest.

Westboro Baptist Church is led by Rev Fred Phelps and among the events on the 'picket schedule' there is an activity in Basingstoke.

Hope they don't find about my blog or my job. I would be bad to have them with those picketing outise the hotels where I've got clients to attend.

The website is called www.godhatesfags.com. I much more prefer to read Perez Hilton.

Valentine's fuck!

I am back after 1 week without writing a thing. I missed it as much as I miss sunny days and sex, I am serious!

No excuse for the absence.
Just an awful lot of things to sort out (every other day something breaks at my house: toaster, TV, shower) and those things can be a nightmare to fix.
Besides it is quite expensive to hire plumbers in London and as they are all straight polish guys barely speaking English it so hard to try to negotiate a deal and pay in services (read: sex) hahahahaa.

So yes, my bank account has gone down a bit.
It was the wrong combination: money going out with plumbers and no money coming in because I had to stay at the home until they finish the work and I don’t think it would be nice to have clients around either. What to say to the poor worker if a client rings the bell? Something like: I am going to have a quick fuck for cash while you fix my pipes and shower? Hummm better not.

However this weekend things started to get back to normal.
Mr. Gloucester called and we had a great couple of hours with wine and chocolates. It was his Valentine’s day threat and I liked it a lot.
It was the only client I had for the whole Saturday. I wonder where all the others gay single guys gone yesterday?

Dancing and farting!

The snow has gone and the rain came back.

London’s weather always finds a way to piss of the people and yesterday I arrived soaked at a client’s house.

I don’t know of any other city where you can have all four seasons in the same day so I left home with a scarf and no umbrella only to find out 20 minutes later that actually a storm was coming on my way. Let’s rain!.

Luckily it was a regular client back in London so I didn’t have any major problem. It can be slightly embarrassing to see a client for the first time and get there looking like a wet duck that just came out from a swimming pool! My hair as looking shit. My clothes heavily wet. Even my shoes were fucked.

The good side of it is: sex warms you up so basically after the whole rain I was getting paid to keep warm. I used all the available towels to dry everything as much as I could (that is actually the good thing about attending clients in a hotel because you can use stuff and leave it to someone else take care of).

Mr. Toronto is so funny that he should be paid to make people laugh. Even in bed sometimes I can’t hold myself because he makes hilarious voices and squeaky noises.

Eventually he will even dance and farts, all together. And he is also audacious and try new positions.

As most of times I have to play by the book and always fuck at the same required positions it is a bit of fresh air someone that knows how to explore beyond the dog style.

Who wouldn’t love to have fun with someone that creative?