From Claridges to Brixton

I can safely say that, in my life, one day is never like the other.
When the client in Brixton called saying that he was about to go back to Austria and still had a few pounds that he would like to spend on me I managed to get to the station in southwest London as far as I could.

It was the second time I saw him within a year and he was fitter than previously.

The only thing I don’t like is that he takes ages to cum !
Why can’t people just have fun and go? Hahhh

By the way: from a comment left here I learned that a research showed Irish guys shoot cum fast than their English or Welsh friends.
Really?
Who would have thought of that?
And who would have thought of measuring the speed of cum?

Back to Claridges

Last night I saw an old friend that used to escort, got married to a client and left the job for a housewife life style. Although I am terrible happy for him (almost to the point of jealousy because his partner is very very rich) he didn’t seem that happy.

I guess it is typically that thing that everyone says: money doesn’t bring happiness.

I felt sorry for him because he is young still but in a few years time he may will realize that he spent precious years of his life with someone that didn’t worth doing it so.

I was on my way to a client at Claridges Hotel.

The receptionists are sweet, the concierge is boring and always look at me as if I was going there to steal something, but I’ve noticed he does it to other people too so I didn’t feel bad at all.

The gay wanted to fuck without lube and, no matter how small a penis can be I don’t do that because it is very uncomfortable.

He understood also the risks of a condom breaking and at the end was pleased with what he got.
He was quite experienced doing different positions and not afraid of trying new ones so it was rather interesting!

Yes. Money doesn’t bring happiness. A good fuck does!

P.s: thanks sweet guy in Ireland. Are you Irish? I had a few Irish guys in bed (most of them on my days off, not sex work related) and they are quite good. And NO, I don’t reject being fucked by a hard thick dicked guy if he knows what he is doing.

The sun arrived!

SUN,SUN, SUN.
London looks so much beautiful under a blue sky!

I am having a very good week with a couple of nice clients, a few gifts and a little shop around because with such a good weather I refuse to stay at home waiting for my phone to start ring more constantly ( I bet part of the clients are also out and about enjoying the sunshine!).

What have you done interesting lately?

P.s: the guy in the picture is an authentic Brazilian Product called Marcelo! I would do him hapilly!

Credit crunch my ass!

It always make me sick when I read the news about those redundancies, people losing jobs (I have a couple of clients that had their salaries reduced to half and they were asked to stay at home), and all that fuss around the economical situation of UK because, honestly, there is no such a thing (at least not at the horrendous proportion which companies want to portrait it in order to panic the whole society).

And today’s economical revelation just helps to confirm my theory: the British supermarket chain Tesco has reported underlying annual pre-tax profits of £3.13bn, an improvement of 10% on the previous year.

What? Yes darling, you read correctly!!!. Pop the champagne!
Its sales topped £1bn a week for the first time with group sales coming in at £59.4bn.

It is a lot of money and it will be difficult to bet that because even if I escort for the next 60 years, 7 days a week, attending 10 clients a day and charging £150 each I would still be just around £3m (not £3bn)!

And of course it is a silly calculation because I don’t have 10 clients a day (My arsehole would be a tunnel), I don’t work 7 days a week (I would go mad in this business) and lets face it: in 60 years time I will be 86 years old (who the hell would pay to fuck that?).

Tesco is only one of the companies daring to reveal numbers that swim against what companies want you to know.

I am sure many other companies are hiding results to avoid having to explain why they are cutting wages or, even worst: getting rid of so many people with families to feed and escorts to pay (pleasure is a very essential investment in a so crazy world in order to keep you sane).

So I’ve printed the report about the successful supermarket chain, from Yahoo.com, and I will keep it in hand as an inspiration and also to reply to those clients trying to bargain for my services.

If they blame the economy one more time for being without money for a fuck, I will suggest them to go away and to get a job at Tescos.

No rupees, please

No matter how nice we try there are always people a bit rude on the way.
Last night a client got hysterical, in Holborn, because I refused to be paid in rupees (I am not sure if the spelling is right but he was from one of those Arabic cities with a strange name).
I haven’t got a clue how much it worth let alone if it even did worth something so I wasn’t able to convert into pounds.

I don’t mind to have sex in dollars because it is a very standard currency and I have quite a few American clients and don’t expect them always to have a few spare pounds for a fuck.

- Would you mind to go to a cash point and get some pounds notes? – I asked politely.
- Yes, I would mind because you are not respecting my money!
- But I am not familiarized with your money and I would not know where to exchange it – holding on being polite. When you are an escort you have to make an effort.
- That should be your problem Kaio, because you live here I am only visiting.
- It is true. And as a visitor you should be using the local currency.

The guy, a dark skin average man in his 40’s and a disgusting long beard just, threw the money on the table, in the middle of the hotel’s room and said:
- Take it or leave it!
- Well, I think I will leave then. I am not that desperate. Thanks – and started to get ready to make my way back home. Even my dirty laundry to be sorted out was more exciting that such a nasty client!

Usually I take quite a lot from rude clients but for everything there is a limit and my limit was that!.

Bad behavior or that thing of clients throwing the money on you to show that they are paying for your time and your cock can be very romantic and acceptable in movies - especially if it is Richard Gere doing that. 15 years ago he could get away with it because he was hot and Julia Roberts would fuck him even for free in Pretty Woman.

However when you have someone that remind you more of Osama Bin laden rather a hot Richard Gere it is kind of a favor being turned down.

When I was about to leave for good he ‘miraculously’ found exactly £150 and I had to get down to the business.
Luckily he was passive and was very pleased to be fucked from behind for the whole time so I didn’t have to be facing him for long.
- Thanks, bye. - He said after cumming almost throwing me out of the bed and rushing to the toilet.

By the time he came out from there, I was two blocks away from the hotel.

Deal meal

Deliciously Australian hunk Matthew Mitcham says gay status cost him sponsorship!

He managed to upstage Tom Daley to win the 10-metre platform gold medal at the Beijing Olympics, however also believes that his decision to talk openly about being gay may have prevented him from cashing in on his success.

Humm I have no idea if he could be right. We like gay man in London, especially if they are as hot as Mitcham is.

But don’t you worry Matthew.
You may lost a sponsor but I have a deal: In a gesture of good will, if you around London anytime send me an email and I will give you a 100% discount fee for a couple of hours.

I think it is very important to support athletes, if you know what I mean?

My competitor

It may explain why some days I don’t get to fuck a single client and end up my shift pocket empted: One in three men would prefer to play video games than enjoy sex with their other halves, shocking new research revealed a few days ago.

Hummm I think those Xboxes are also keeping a few customers out of my bed!And nearly three quarters of blokes said they would give up the chance of a romp with their partners to play a brand new game!.

What is wrong with the guys recently?

However the reasons men gave for choosing to bash their buttons rather than opt for naughty frolics ranged from partners “being hard to please” to “not being as much fun”. So there is something to be glad at least for me!

Specialist PlayStation3 site www.PS3pricecompare.co.uk questioned 1,130 men who were in relationships for the study.When asked “Which would you prefer; sex with your partner or an evening playing video games?”, 32 per cent of men said they would prefer to play video games!.

So I will carry on delivering my high standards services because as the survey shows, the guys are not getting at home what they would like to.

It is not my fault.
People says I am dangerous for relationships.
I disagree. I am not the one knocking on their doors or ringing them. I am only offering a service, a little escape for those ones a bit feed up with their boring daily life and wanting to spicy it up a bit!.

Some opt for a Xbox.
The clever ones chose my duvet!

Naked men wanted

I loved that headline at QX magazine last week, just before Easter.
Although I initially thought it was something related to the weekend and the possibility of naked men around Hampstead Park (yes, boys do that in London, ask George Michael), actually it turned out to be a serious invitation as award winning UK director Phil Willmott is auditioning some new talent alongside more established performers to sing naked!

The report says that he would like to hear from people who may not usually be seen for a high profile Off-West End show.

The rehearsal commitment is short and once the show is up and running it may well be possible for participants to return to a 9 – 5 job whilst also appearing in this professional production of Naked Boys Singing 2009 in the evening. Plus, there’ll also be a small fee (it was not specified if the fee would be bigger if the guy has a bigger ‘talent’).

It will feature six naked guys and if you think you’ve got balls for that (balls and voice, please, because you really have to sing!) and also if you happens to have a great body that you enjoy showing off why not send an email + photo to producer Danielle Tarento at info@kingsheadtheatre.org
Good luck!

F**king men extended

Sometimes I do have a day off, and usually I get tired of being lazy and look forward to work the next day.

Because I don’t have a set time to start (or finish) my work, I don’t feel like ‘working’ properly, also because sometimes I make money without leaving my home so, even on duty I don’t feel the clock pressure what I think its why people hate having to get to work 9 – 5pm in London.

Probably my next day off will be to see a theatre play called F**king Men and which everyone is talking about it.

The play is set in today's US and is a portrait of 10 men searching for love, sex and intimacy by looking at a succession of couples and strangers as they negotiate the before and after of lust, love and betrayal and the pursuit of sex. Sounds good already!

As plays usually happens night time (a busy time when you work in the sex industry!) I will have to miss a ‘work’ day for that!

For those ones in London and wanting to know more about the play (that is the longest running play off West End), see bellow more information from Time Out Magazine:

Venue: The Kings Head Theatre 115 Upper Street, London N1

Dates and Times: till June/09, Tuesday - sat at 10pm

Tickets: from £15

Box Office: 0844 412 2953 or info@kingsheadtheatre.org

Calm Easter

Wow a sunny day in London after a raining weekend!
It wasn’t one of the busiest holidays I have to say however holidays are not that good anyway because even regular clients use to have families and friends coming over for lunch and dinner and it is very unlikely any of them will be keen to share the fact they pay for sex.

I had a guy from States that came to meet his online date. They were chatting since Christmas and when they met face to face to face they didn’t hit even as a friend.
So he decided to turn to a escort to avoid ruining the whole weekend.

I’ve done my best, but nowadays I don’t get impressed easily by clients because they always have such unbelievable cases to tell.
I had even a guy asking a discount because he had spent almost all his money on his mother funeral and now he was broke and horny and needed to do something with it.

I didn’t want to sound insensitive, you know? so I didn’t say to him what I was thinking but in reality I was like ‘hold on mate: you just buried your mom and is already looking for a fuck and then expect me to feel sorry for you?

Happy Easter!

Are you waiting for a hot bunny?

Mushroom guy

When you think that you’ve seen them all something new just turns up to your door step. Welcome to my world as an escort!

Last night I had a client with such a weird cock, it was something more like a mushroom m rather than something you would eventually use to fuck.
He was fully aware of his unusual dysfunction and started to apologize in advanced, even before getting naked what I think was very kind of him.

Normally, if people pay you for a fuck, they are not that bothered if you will like their bodies or if they may scare you with some random bit.

I remember once going to work in a private party where the initial cash in hand was £250 and you would be there doing a few strips around sofas with 25 guys in a very big lounge. 6 escorts were there in case they need something else, maybe a massage or just a blowjob. Those extras would be charged on top of the £250 so with some luck it is possible to look after a couple of clients and leave after 3 hours with no less than £500.

I’ve done them twice only because they are very private and they rotate the boys a lot.
And there was the place I’ve seen the biggest variety of cocks. The winner was a Chinese guy that almost had both gender: he had a cock obviously but it was somehow with a vagina around it.
He didn’t pick me up so I never got to try it. (let me know if you want to know more about the London’s sex party scene)

When the mushroom guy as completely naked I could understand why he was so apologetic at first. It wasn’t that scare but very different. And because it had such a big had, like a funny umbrella on a very think stick, I was wondering how the hell I how fit it up to my arse in case he was active.

Fortunately he was very passive and apart from the trouble to try to suck it (in the end I kind of more liked than sucked because I could not fit his mushroom inside my mouth) we had such a great time.

Tomorrow I have an elderly guy to visit. He is a regular, re reads the blog sometimes and he finds it funny. I always worry about him because I am afraid one day he will die while having sex and it would be very embarrassing!

Sex G-20

This week London is very very busy due that G-20 thing.
Yes, Obama was here, Michele was here, but that is not the most important thing because, sorry my French: I don’t give a shit about a meeting that costs nearly £19 million only to bring together people to talk talk talk talk.

I personally think that they should use that money to help people and then have a video conference. Why the hell can’t those people use Skype as everybody else?

However I have to say that it was good for business. I mean: sex business. I have a few American clients, a French one and even a guy from Austria. They were in London to work and needed to wind up a little at the end of the day.

Luckily they decided that I would be a suitable option and at the end of the G-20 I was quite glad that London hosted it, otherwise I never would have met such a bunch of lovely people.

Some may say ‘money doesn’t bring you glamour or good manners.
That is true.
But I the guys I had chance to meet for a massage and a few others therapeutically bits were just great.

They didn’t want to talk a lot about the event itself, I guess for security reasons, but they were very happy to try things, to ask if I was enjoying it and to know a bit about myself too. After all they were willing to have fun and those are the best clients an escort can have!

Sounds contradictory that people pay and don’t enjoy it however if you don’t let yourself go and be keen to have fun it is very likely that you will pay for sex and still not find sex any good.

Hot Apprentice

I was watching TV last night for lack of clients.
And then I got to see The apprentice, one of those business reality shows.

The only thing that kept me looking at it was the beyond hot Philip Taylor.
All the contestants are very poor in quality and very often spend more than they should. Thanks God some of them are hot at least

Huge delay!

Yesterday I got lost on my way to visit a client and it was just a mess.
By the time I managed to get to the right address the client was fuming and said it was very unprofessional.

I kind of agreed with him; however it would be so much easier to get to his door steps if his house had a proper postcode!

It was the first time we met and I guess it will be the last one as well.
Not because of my huge delay - even though British guys have that thing with the time as if the world was about to ends tomorrow and everything should be crucially on time, including a fuck!

It was more about the whole experience.
A cold guy in bed, with a penis very flop and it is very difficult any penetration if the guy is not hard enough.

I offered to fuck him instead.
He didn’t like the idea saying he was top only and the reason because he was so soft probably was related with the lack of chemistry between us.
I agreed with him for the second time.

As any business or relationship, no matter how hard you try, sometimes people just don’t hit off, don’t click. That is it!

He was not that bad looking, he didn’t stick, he didn’t do anything terrible wrong. He was just someone that didn’t click.
With some clients, especially the ones more desperate do jerk off and go, it is easier to get way with such a lack of compatibility.

However when you have to engage with the client to make him get a hard on and fuck once and for all, well, that is when you have to use a huge combination of patience + acting + physiology!

I give him 10 minutes extras as a bonus for the delay.
He didn’t say even thanks and once we finished I just let myself out, quietly.