Very often I have married guys hiring my services and more than half of them are actually married to a woman. Yes, even we are in 2009 people still work hard to keep appearances.
Although most of them can not accommodate for obvious reasons there are always those adventurous ones, the ones who, once their wife travel or leave for work and they get a day off, its time to have fun.
It is a bit of a hurry because they often think that any little noise can be their partner coming back a bit earlier than expected. So the sex is not as good as it is when you have time to enjoy it properly.
Once I had to hide under the bed because the bell rang and the guy had to see who was knocking the door. It turned out to be the mailman hahaha.
However every time I go to visit a new client I can avoid thinking of a gay joke very famous in Latin America (where people are madly passionate and terribly dramatic!).
They say that, once upon a time . . . a man came home just in time to find his lover in bed with another man (it wasn’t me, maybe another escort or someone stupid enough to make it for free). So, in a total rage, he dragged his lover down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.
He then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next he picked up a hacksaw. The lover terrified, screamed:
- Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?
The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, said:
- Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire!
Saturday, 21 March 2009
Friday, 20 March 2009
Tiny room, Black guy
What a sunny day!. I am wondering if the summer arrived earlier or it is just one of those trick weeks and very soon some snow will be on my way? Those ones whom know London will remember that sometimes we have the four seasons in one day: sun, rain, cold, wind . . . everything.
Wish such a bright day I had to get my sunglasses out of the draw. It would be great if I had a client wanting a bit of fun in the garden (back garden, please. I don’t want to be arrested). Instead I had a black guy in a small studio flat. It was ok but because he didn’t have window and the place was really tiny (bed+toilet only and no other furniture) it was a little claustrophobic!
For a black guy he had quite a small cock because I always expect them to be massive. Lucky me! It was something around 7.5 inches, what its fine and he was a gentleman.
Difficult to tell his age. I didn’t ask and people with dark skin are so good in hiding their age. The skin is much better I guess, it is more likely to see a white person with wrinkles very earlier.
Ps.: Miss Ginger, I don’t get smelly ones often so I am still learning how to deal with them. If they come to my place I politely suggest them we could have a nice shower together and make sure to use all my shampoos and shower gel on him.
If I am going to their place sometimes they don’t like the idea because it will be an extra towel to look after and will also take a few minutes off their paid time. Most of time I can’t also just spray some perfume because they are married so it would be a big problem turn up at home smelling something nice if the stink the whole life hahahaha.
P.s2.: Maddie the money is no longer as good as it used to be. And still we have to put up with a few junkies.
Thursday, 19 March 2009
Dildo thief
- Kaio, have you got a dildo to bring it with you? I want one of those big black ones, like a pyramid.
- Sorry, I haven’t got anything with this sort of shape or size.
- Which one have you got then?
- A normal rubber penis, one of those 9 inches long, with lots of vein and probably modeled in some porn actor that won’t get a penny in copyrights for it.
The client, a middle aged Indian guy from East London laughed and said: bring it on.
So off I went.
To be honest I have a couple of other toys but for personal use. I don’t share dildos with clients, what is mine is mine and I have the one for work - which I always keep very clean and only use it with a condom.
It wasn’t one of most successful nights because the guy really wanted something monstrously big so an 9 inches very thick dildo (challenge enough for most of the average guys) was of a little thing for him.
- I will make sure I get a new big dildo for next time you come around. I had one, however I split from my partner and he took it with him. What a bastard! I bought it with my money.
If I had seen when he was steeling it, I would have stopped him. Well I can say steeling in this case, can I?
- Yes, I think so. Or maybe he just took it by mistake somehow.
- Mistake? Who walks away from a relationship taking also a big black dildo by mistake? I think he is a thief. A fucking dildo thief. Shame those things we never can report to the police.
- Sorry, I haven’t got anything with this sort of shape or size.
- Which one have you got then?
- A normal rubber penis, one of those 9 inches long, with lots of vein and probably modeled in some porn actor that won’t get a penny in copyrights for it.
The client, a middle aged Indian guy from East London laughed and said: bring it on.
So off I went.
To be honest I have a couple of other toys but for personal use. I don’t share dildos with clients, what is mine is mine and I have the one for work - which I always keep very clean and only use it with a condom.
It wasn’t one of most successful nights because the guy really wanted something monstrously big so an 9 inches very thick dildo (challenge enough for most of the average guys) was of a little thing for him.
- I will make sure I get a new big dildo for next time you come around. I had one, however I split from my partner and he took it with him. What a bastard! I bought it with my money.
If I had seen when he was steeling it, I would have stopped him. Well I can say steeling in this case, can I?
- Yes, I think so. Or maybe he just took it by mistake somehow.
- Mistake? Who walks away from a relationship taking also a big black dildo by mistake? I think he is a thief. A fucking dildo thief. Shame those things we never can report to the police.
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Gay jokes in bed
Hahaha.
This is the sort of joke a client told me last Friday in bed:
What's the difference between a fag and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull meat out of it!
This is kind of rude but the client was a sweet short guy from Barcelona, it was fun.
This is the sort of joke a client told me last Friday in bed:
What's the difference between a fag and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull meat out of it!
This is kind of rude but the client was a sweet short guy from Barcelona, it was fun.
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
62 bets 19!
There are days when I ask myself: what the hell am I still doing? It always happens when I turn up for an appointment and the client is very ugly, very smelly or both.
And then, before I spend hours thinking of quid the job and get myself a 5-9pm proper job with no cocks to deal with, the great clients come on my way – and I find out that I am actually very fortunate to get paid to do something that other people even pay for it.
Yesterday’s client was one of those sweetheart, with a big smile, a big heart and a big cock so it didn’t left any room to quid for anything else. He wasn’t that young however at the age of 62 he rocket in bed. I was indeed tired at the end of it and although he probably used the blue pill what matters is how good he performed.
I once had a 19 years old client claiming he wanted to have a sex experience a gay. He apparently had a girlfriend (one of those freak chicks waiting to fuck only after getting married) and he was very curious about lots of things.
Unfortunately he was very very bad when it came to sex. Crap!
Must be the very young age, the tension of being with another man, the discovering of paid sex or maybe all those things together.
So I was terribly surprised when a 62 years old guy bet a boy with a third of his age ; )
And then, before I spend hours thinking of quid the job and get myself a 5-9pm proper job with no cocks to deal with, the great clients come on my way – and I find out that I am actually very fortunate to get paid to do something that other people even pay for it.
Yesterday’s client was one of those sweetheart, with a big smile, a big heart and a big cock so it didn’t left any room to quid for anything else. He wasn’t that young however at the age of 62 he rocket in bed. I was indeed tired at the end of it and although he probably used the blue pill what matters is how good he performed.
I once had a 19 years old client claiming he wanted to have a sex experience a gay. He apparently had a girlfriend (one of those freak chicks waiting to fuck only after getting married) and he was very curious about lots of things.
Unfortunately he was very very bad when it came to sex. Crap!
Must be the very young age, the tension of being with another man, the discovering of paid sex or maybe all those things together.
So I was terribly surprised when a 62 years old guy bet a boy with a third of his age ; )
Thursday, 12 March 2009
A boy with two penises
Did you hear that? A baby boy underwent hours of complicated surgery after he was born with two penises.
He will hate his parents sooo much once he gets older!.
He will hate his parents sooo much once he gets older!.
Fox News said: 'The child, known only as Artyom G, was born two weeks ago in Russia after a normal pregnancy in which doctors did not detect any problems'.
Of course not. Problem? Which problem?
Double penises should be no reason to go under the nice, especially if you are two weeks old and have other stupid people deciding things on your behalf. It should be a reason to celebrate!
Double penises should be no reason to go under the nice, especially if you are two weeks old and have other stupid people deciding things on your behalf. It should be a reason to celebrate!
He would be fucking happy with two willies and I will tell you why: it would bring he a lot of money! Think with me: books, TV deals, films (start from a candid documentary … and he would end up being a porn actor too I am quite sure).
If he turns up straight, it would be every women dream: double penetration with just a guy!
If he turns up gay the fun would be even endless!
People say ‘We just live once’. That is true.
We also only born once and we also only born with two penises once in a lifetime!
I would love to have a client with double cock once in a while.
We also only born once and we also only born with two penises once in a lifetime!
I would love to have a client with double cock once in a while.
I know: I am being greedy! AGAIN!
Saturday, 7 March 2009
Sperm and the beauty industry
‘Beauty industry: it sells products that don’t really work to people who don’t really need them at prices they can’t really afford’ (columnist Sam Leith, The Guardian, 05.03.09)
I found a newspaper supplement inside a Tube on my way to a client and although have no idea who the hell Sam Leigh is but I love him already. That is so true! I try to use as less as possible when it comes to cosmetics. It is good to have a nice shampoo, a good scrub cream and that’s it to be honest.
Needless to say that I also avoid perfume. I love them however it is not recommended for my work because I can’t leave any track of smell when dealing with most of my clients as they are married or are into a relationship – so getting home smelling Obsession, by Calvin Klein can be a big problem for them.
The only thing that really works and cost nothing is sperm.
Do laugh!!!. It is true.
Must be all those minerals and proteins that come with and it make a lot of sense if you image that sperm can generate a new life so why not would be able to work positively on your skin?
Usually I don’t have even to ask, as some guys like to blow their cocks on escorts faces anyway. However if I have a quite week with not so many clients I just ask one of them to come on my face. I try to pick and chose (clean, nice, tidy guys jump to the front of the queue).
It may doesn’t smell as nice as one of those fancy overpriced facial cream . . . but certainly it works and at a zero expense!.
I found a newspaper supplement inside a Tube on my way to a client and although have no idea who the hell Sam Leigh is but I love him already. That is so true! I try to use as less as possible when it comes to cosmetics. It is good to have a nice shampoo, a good scrub cream and that’s it to be honest.
Needless to say that I also avoid perfume. I love them however it is not recommended for my work because I can’t leave any track of smell when dealing with most of my clients as they are married or are into a relationship – so getting home smelling Obsession, by Calvin Klein can be a big problem for them.
The only thing that really works and cost nothing is sperm.
Do laugh!!!. It is true.
Must be all those minerals and proteins that come with and it make a lot of sense if you image that sperm can generate a new life so why not would be able to work positively on your skin?
Usually I don’t have even to ask, as some guys like to blow their cocks on escorts faces anyway. However if I have a quite week with not so many clients I just ask one of them to come on my face. I try to pick and chose (clean, nice, tidy guys jump to the front of the queue).
It may doesn’t smell as nice as one of those fancy overpriced facial cream . . . but certainly it works and at a zero expense!.
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Sex teacher?
Great weekend!!!.
Sunny, just a couple of client however good ones and those ones reading this blog knows very well I am more after quality rather quantity.
Besides that, the high profile ones usually pay without trying to bargain price.
When I first started working as an escort I never thought I would have to negotiate fees for a blowjob or how much would an anal session cost. Also I didn’t plan to have a standard explanation about why it is more expensive to cum instead of just going there, fucking someone and leaving as soon as the client is happily satisfied. For someone wondering the answer is quite obvious: cuming at the beginning of the day can commit the whole work day ahead.
When you sell sex, you have to hold your own satisfaction.
Client 1 was a regular cure British guy. I keep asking myself why the hell someone that fit and handsome has to pay for sex. Then I remember he is married with a couple of kids and when you have this double life you just can’t go to a bar and pick up someone wherever you want. So people like that keep my business (and bum) going!
And then I had client 2, a completely new guy that just happened to be in London over the weekend and wanted some fun. Nice person with an amazing down to earth personality, even not a God in bed so I had to teach him some tricks. Some people completely forget that sex is not just about lying down in bed and let all the work for the other person (even if this other person happens to be paid to be there).
- Kaio, can I call you back when I come back to London?
- Sure you can, anytime! - I said putting my clothes back on.
- Great because I want to carry on the lessons.
When did I become a teacher? I haven’t got a clue!
Sunny, just a couple of client however good ones and those ones reading this blog knows very well I am more after quality rather quantity.
Besides that, the high profile ones usually pay without trying to bargain price.
When I first started working as an escort I never thought I would have to negotiate fees for a blowjob or how much would an anal session cost. Also I didn’t plan to have a standard explanation about why it is more expensive to cum instead of just going there, fucking someone and leaving as soon as the client is happily satisfied. For someone wondering the answer is quite obvious: cuming at the beginning of the day can commit the whole work day ahead.
When you sell sex, you have to hold your own satisfaction.
Client 1 was a regular cure British guy. I keep asking myself why the hell someone that fit and handsome has to pay for sex. Then I remember he is married with a couple of kids and when you have this double life you just can’t go to a bar and pick up someone wherever you want. So people like that keep my business (and bum) going!
And then I had client 2, a completely new guy that just happened to be in London over the weekend and wanted some fun. Nice person with an amazing down to earth personality, even not a God in bed so I had to teach him some tricks. Some people completely forget that sex is not just about lying down in bed and let all the work for the other person (even if this other person happens to be paid to be there).
- Kaio, can I call you back when I come back to London?
- Sure you can, anytime! - I said putting my clothes back on.
- Great because I want to carry on the lessons.
When did I become a teacher? I haven’t got a clue!
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